Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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