I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
