I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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