maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
