I think I won the penis lottery.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
