Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
