so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
