he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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