Ambien. No doubt about it.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
