You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I think I sprained my soul last night
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
