Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just gift wrapped bread.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Enjoy the penises
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
