Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
