We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
