after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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