Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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