some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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