My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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