I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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