Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
