She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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