she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
