threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize