I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
