I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
