sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
