hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
