you lied. pity sex is amazing.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
