so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
