he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
