I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
