Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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