You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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