Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
