He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
