I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
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