DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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