so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
