Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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