I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
