I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
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