I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
