I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
