Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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