i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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