Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
