Hey man sorry I got all grabby
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
