So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
high people should be assigned attendants
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
