I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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