i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
