But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I didn't shave. On purpose
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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