I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
