No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
