yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
