i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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