Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
