after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
