I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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