ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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