Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
