Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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