I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
