They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
