Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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