These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
