I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You are the jesus of drinking
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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