Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
