when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
