I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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