i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
