When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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