Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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