Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
