My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
