then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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